This post is one in a series of real-life psychedelic stories, where fellow psychonauts share their experiences of personal growth, psychological healing and self transcendence.
Hello again beautiful warriors. So I left you last time with me emerging from one of the darkest chapters of my life and entering a brand new one; this is when ayahuasca saved my life.
The first thing I learned was that AYAHUASCA CEREMONIES TAKE COMMITMENT AND ENDURANCE!! Honestly, they are not for the faint-hearted, spiritually, physically or mentally, so please be aware of this before attending a ceremony. Take the guidelines and application forms seriously, as this powerful plant medicine can have adverse effects if taken incorrectly.
Enough of my disclaimer, now I’d like to tell you about my general feelings around the ceremonies I have attended before I get into the specific details of my journey. I have attended about 20 nights of ceremony with Ayahuasca and overall, I have to say, they were incredible, soul-baring experiences. The journeys have allowed me to travel inside and face the dark depths of my soul, enabling a great awareness and understanding of my behavior and my past traumas, airing and owning all my soul’s dirty laundry.
These experiences allowed me to Look at and analyze my own demons. They gave me an opportunity to forgive myself for whatever I needed to forgive and to release my own self-bound chains, those that made it hard to grow into the best version of myself. A shout-out has to be made to all of the super souled warriors who I have sat with in ceremony, those who have braved confronting their journey with trust, faith, and resilience. As I mentioned earlier, Ayahuasca is not for the faint-hearted.
Ceremonies are 85% hard work, done alone, traveling inwards to learn about the shadow self and to learn how to let go, release, confront and rise up better than we were before.
It is not a trip where you feel like you are at a party. Ayahuasca ceremonies are a gift from mother nature and it takes dedication to confronting one’s own dark truths. It is hard and challenging work and takes a commitment to go deep within, knowing it will not be a journey of unicorns and butterflies.
Usually, the ceremonies I have attended are 3 nights long. It is always a challenge to delve so deeply and so intensely over 72 hours, with 3 nights of introspective work to endure, very little food, minimal rest, and a whole lot of tears and tissues to boot.
Each night ceremony involves inviting the plant medicine into your soul. Then the required healing unveils itself, and the exploration begins. Going into the ceremony with no expectations can be difficult, but an open-minded and curious approach will set you up for a profoundly healing journey. The power of the plant medicine guides you within. You must be vulnerable and surrender to your fears and doubts, and trust the journey is there to help heal and develop a stronger, clearer sense of self-worth.
I remind you, ayahuasca is a MEDICINE, not a party drug! Generally, it is not a fun ride, and it is often confronting and challenging. It is usually filled with aches and pains and tears, but it is such an evolutionary experience. It allows you to confront your demons, and reach a deeper understanding of yourself and of your traumas.
The ceremonies open you up to profound insights and world-shaking changes in perspective. This can lead to greater healing and personal growth than you ever thought possible. This comes from confronting your shadow-self, but only if you are willing to surrender, with no expectations or idealizations about what you think you might experience.
Sure, set an intention, but don’t be surprised if Mother Ayahuasca takes you on a completely different path of enlightenment.
POW!! Wow… What a journey can be had…
The pleasure and healing from difficult journeys come from being given an opportunity to understand where your pain comes from, why it is there, and how you have carried and embodied it. It teaches you how to shift to a better place. This integration of unveiled truths is where the real work begins and it is up to us to take on the newfound awareness that will allow us to heal. It is with this deep enlightenment of self, where the work really begins. Integration is the biggest part of the experience – putting into practice the lessons, the possibilities, the understanding that you were gifted during the ceremony.
My nights have been filled with so many things:
- Evolving, knowing I had to hold the hand of the drug addict within, and forgive myself for punching so many holes in my arms with needles filled with dirty street drugs.
- Exhaustion, confrontation and release.
- Closure to my traumatic experience of rape when I was 12. I was able to forgive myself for blaming myself, but understand too how this sad little girl was so wounded that it led to a life of self abuse and bad relationships filled with drugs, drama and chaos.
Overall I can honestly say that it is through every tear dropped, every scream screamed, and every spitting thought, that I walked away with incredible self-awareness and deep love for myself and those who hurt me. The painful confrontation with my shadows actually became magical and effervescent experiences. My ceremonies have been my savior and they have been completely life-changing. Easily 10-15 years of therapy done in the 20 different ayahuasca ceremonies.
Now, as I said, it is after the dark night that the work truly begins. Learning how to use one’s new understanding and awareness to show up as your own best self is key for ourselves, and anyone we are in contact with. This is a daily practice that takes conscious awareness and willingness to use the insight as gifts of healing, given to us by Mother Ayahuasca.
Enough to take in for now, methinks… in my next blog post I will venture into specific adventures over my ceremony evenings…
Peace to all the warriors I have ever shared space with, and all the warriors considering taking on this challenging internal work. We are all amazing folks. Don’t forget it.
I respect you and I also thank you for your own journeys as they are magical and inspirational.
I heal from your healing as I hope you will from mine too…
Love and light, warriors.