I haven't felt that peace and connection in my whole entire life.

Description

I followed Eckhart Tolle for more than a decade and he helped me focus on what I could find beyond my mental patterns (and filters) from where I see my "normal" life. I have never saw the light though, except for a few glimpses. It is not that Eckhart didn't succeed with me... what happened is that my mind made a lot of "noise" and I found myself pulled into unconsciousness by rumination and judgmental thoughts. “If you are in front of an angel but you only see a stone statue, you don’t have to look somewhere else to find the angel… just continue looking at the stone statue…” Eckhart explained something like that in The Power of Now, to describe how witnessing “what meets the eye” could do for you. I kept looing at the stone statue… I found about Psychedelic substances nearly two months before I showed up in Treasure Beach, knowing exactly what I wanted. Knowing that I found what I was looking for (without actually knowing that I was looking for it…) What I wanted was to sho0t down, at lease for a few hours, that area in my brain which is responsible for all the useless chattering, rumination, my personality based on possessions, achievements, failures, neediness and so on. I found it… Psilocybin opened a breach in my heavy, thick, conceptual operating mode, and for the first time in my whole entire life, I saw ineffable peace and wonder, connection with all creatures and things as all “equal.” I saw innocence and respect between creatures and things to one another. I saw beauty, unconditional love… nobody was more or less important, or special. I felt I knew exactly what to say at the right moment and for the first time I felt every thought with overwhelming clarity. I could not stop crying out of happiness when I first saw all this. I used to talk and write about all things Eckhart described as if I knew what I was talking/writing about but I didn’t know what I was doing. I thought I knew UNTIL I experienced it. Eric and all the facilitators were a key factor to make this possible. All amazing people! I felt, support and understanding in some of my difficult transitions within the dosed sessions. I found simplicity and connection that is not coming from normal human interaction. I am especially grateful to the people of the Blue Marlin (cooks and maintenance) Their love and dedication for what they do was, and still is, alive as part of my immense gratitude. The effects of the mushroom are long gone, but almost all rumination disappeared, and when some “voices” want to take over, I feel their energy and I just smile. My neediness of recognition, affection, consideration and such are history now. And same, when emotions related to that arise, I am there… looing at them with a sense of peace. When I feel discomfort (and I still do) I don’t try to change it. I just look at the discomfort without rejecting anything. What was fundamental was the complete acceptance of the frightening of the unknown. If you believe that mushroom will make you feel good, you’re just wrong. What mushrooms gave me was the opportunity to enhance all perceptions and see clearly all feelings I carried all my life with me. I just didn’t fight to change them or to understand them. I didn’t come to Treasure Beach to make “peace with my past” or to understand my parents or to find out what was wrong in my childhood. I went there to abandon all of that because I understood that all memories (and emotions attached to them) have the compulsion to keep running inside myself. By conversing with them, they continue to reinforce themselves, and if you do it under your mushroom trips, you will probably end up getting stuck even more with them, and wasting this amazing opportunity to be really free. If you try to understand your past, there’s always more… and more. It’s just not worthy. Just be determined to let the past go. Your past is not what you really are and it’s only purpose is to tell you “who you are” and wanting for you to believe it. You’ll probably feel nausea during your trips… just be with it. You’ll probably feel that you’re somehow delusional or stupid in the middle of the trip… just know that it won’t last, and be with it. You’ll probably also face confusion and regret for having come all the way to Jamaica for “this…” just know that it won’t last either, and be with it. Just trust. Don’t try to change, understand, fix or interact with your own feelings during your sessions. They just want to get stuck with them to keep going. Just let them be. If it’s possible, don’t socialize or try to fix someone else during sessions, unless you’re moved by that “love that doesn’t have opposites,” and in that case, you will exactly know what to do or say. Try not to mix alcohol or other substances before or during your trips. Be as present as you can. Your inner being knows what I mean within these lines. ONE LOVE… Marcello.