Ego shattering Spiritual Rebirth

Shared by SR , experienced 3 years ago.
Substance: Psilocybin mushrooms
So a little bit of a back story- I was 25, had been working in a factory for many years- earning great money to then go and do what I wanted in my spare time which largely revolved around wasting my time with materialistic goods and fleeting encounters with the opposite sex, often times neglecting family and pushing them away. Around this time, I had started experimenting with cannabis and occasionally; MDMA which had already started an alternative way of thinking. I was finding myself more and more unhappy with my current situation but just lacked the wherewithal to identify why. Listening to podcasts such as JRE and London Real and listening to Terrence Mckenna/ Alan Watts lectures sparked a motivation to try and cultivate my own Psilocybin mushrooms. After successfully getting a good first flush, I thought- what the hell- a free Sunday afternoon, spring sunshine- maybe I'll head out for a nice walk and feel good about being in nature. I picked about 50 grams of wet mushrooms and made a tea. Whilst drinking it- I rolled a few joints and headed out. Keep in mind- I was extremely naive to psychedelic effects, importance of set and setting as well as dosage. Needless to say- after about 30 minutes, it began and reality started to feel very slippery. I thought about turning back but strong willed as I was- I pressed on to a large green space where I enjoyed walking. Thinking I would mitigate the effects, I could distract myself by listening to some of my favourite music. However- a little voice inside of me said "Nooo... you have got work to do". I paid attention and walked in silence instead. The next few hours were astonishing. I felt every possible emotion and the open- eye visuals were so intense that I could scarcely believe this was the same field as I walked almost daily. Alot of the specific thoughts which I had are largely part of a jumbled mess but I distinctly remember lying on the side of a hill moaning and groaning running my fingers through the grass as if it was a safe place to lie my head. I also pulled out a £5 note from my pocket looking at it felt disgust by the fact this measly piece of paper governed my life as well as many others. I threw it away and began my return home. I eventually returned back to my flat so disorientated and confused with what was happening to me- I took myself to bed but the fear of impending doom kept hitting me in waves. It was like I couldn't resist and was forced to confront the deepest darkest realisations about how I had been living and saw myself from the third person perspective. I was appalled at how egocentric, narcissistic and hateful I had become. The last hour of the trip was spent feeling absolute eternal love like one could only receive as a baby wrapped in their mother's arms. I kept speaking with a mystical spirit, staring up at one particular part of the wall, repeating 'thank you... thank you' for the feeling and messages which I was receiving vowing to 'never forget' this. At this point I would like to hold my hands up and admit that I did not respect the plant medicine before this trip but certainly learned to do so after and all other experiences have been contained to a safe setting. I took the rest of the evening to ponder what had occurred and how I was going to proceed in life following the new perspective which I was shown of myself. I began texting family members with genuine interest into how they were doing and promised myself to reconnect, making more of an effort, expressing my love and gratitude towards them as much as I could. Due to the mystical encounter during this trip, A new openness to what reality was all about had been kickstarted which began with a receiving a text message from my half brother who I had not seen in 7 years... On the same day as this mystical experience... where I learned that family was the most important thing... The world of synchronicities suddenly sprang itself upon me and I have since enjoyed these to this day. I see it now as a 'nod from the universe' that I am on the right path in my life. The afterglow effect lasted for about a month which prompted a new form of myself- kinder, more readily tolerable of others, awe at the simple things in life- it was like seeing the world in high definition compared to before- I wasn't aware that trees and the sky were so beautiful. I didn't realise life was so beautiful! In the months following this experience, I quit my job, re- enrolled at university to attain my Master's in Psychology with a Qualitative thesis exploring the subjective effects of individuals using psychedelic drugs. I haven't worked so hard on anything in all my life. Following this, I then began training to be a Psychotherapist. I had been wanting to get into a job of 'helping others' for years but the fear of leaving a secure job froze me. With a new optimism and realising how short a time we have on this planet- WHY NOT? I realise how impactful the experience (and subsequent experiences) have had on myself, as well as immersing myself into the psychedelic/ therapeutic literature. For this reason, I now see even more evidence for my desire to want to help others heal from their own issues. The success of recent clinical data points to the fact that substances such as psilocybin, mdma and cannabis will be legalised for therapeutic value in the coming years where I am based. Since this experience, things haven't all been plain sailing. I understand that this newly discovered self- awareness means that inner work in my everyday life is paramount to achieving higher states of conciousness and by being the best version of myself, allows others to be the best versions of themselves too. It's also much more beautiful to live with love as opposed to fear. This is especially true for a therapist in training as self- exploration is vital to personal development. There will always be ups and downs in life but understanding that I am simply at one with the cosmos and everything else, makes the journey alot more beautiful. I am now a 28 year old, more mature, more secure person and most importantly, someone who I can look at and be proud of compared to my pre- plant medicine self. I can barely remember who I was or how I thought before my life changer. I actually had another experience just this time last week with a smaller dose of pslicocybin and that feeling of pure love and understanding was such a beautiful experience to have prior to writing this entry. I kept repeating 'everyone is perfect... everyone is perfect'. We all are... Thank you plant medicine for opening the doors to a spiritual journey that I will be eternally grateful for.
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