Freedom to BE the Shamana Awakening

Shared by TC , experienced a year ago.
Substance: Ayahuasca
I’ve done 28 Ayahuasca ceremonies with 8 Amazonian shamans within two years. I’ve also engaged in 6 DMT sessions with 3 of them in combination with psilocybin. Each of these experiences have been vastly impactful to my personal development which has been a focus for decades. My understanding of patience and acceptance toward increasing consciousness would not have been amplified without the use of plant medicines. There have been several breakthrough ceremonies, but since the inquiry said to choose one... I have chosen the 27th ceremony using Aya. Some background information to fill you in on what led me to this experience... The first time (2017), I had been introduced to Aya in Iquitos, Peru. During the 2nd ceremony... I was surprised to realize I have the ability to develop skills to become a shamana. Briefly, I had been transforming through many animals by movements and sounds. I also transformed from a seed, to a tree, and then into a flying seed spreading unconditional love everywhere. I also sang Shipibo Icaros along side the female shamana who was helping guide our groups in ceremony... only after hearing the language the night before. And finally I had transformed into a beating heart that continued to grow larger and larger with no limits of stopping. This was the first step to becoming an apprentice to shamanism. The second time (2018), I continued my ceremonies letting the shamans I worked with know that I believe I am going to become a shamana. There were insights given that showed me that consistent practice will lead to pure presence. With this state, during ceremonies, the shaman is not working on their own Egoic agenda. They can hold space to be with intuition to respond to the guests they’re assisting to guide. This past time prior to the ceremony about to be described in detail (2019), I continued and witnessed that I have increased frequency of pure presence in ceremonies. When I found myself wanting to assist others, I would send my abundance of positive energy towards them. But I would remain in my designated space, since I felt it would lack respect for the shamans in charge to move around during our sessions. And this will bring us to the day of November 11th, 2019 in Tarapoto, Peru. I originally planned on staying here for four days to have a quiet integration period before flying back to the States. I didn’t know I will do two more Aya ceremonies before returning back. A friend I met introduced me to local shamans who were highly recommended. I wanted to see if I would be interested in trying a ceremony with them. Late Morning/Early Afternoon: I do not fluently speak Spanish, and I had a really great translator who said to share what my intentions are for the ceremonies. I explained that I now go into ceremonies with complete surrender, and to accept any messages that will be received. What I would really like to discuss is this journey I’m on to train to be a shamana. I haven’t really been able to explain or ask questions to the shamans before... something close to lost in translation or lack of my confidence to respect the shamans and my assumption for their traditions. They were open, so they invited me to share with them. I told them that I feel like I am going to be a shamana... there are moments in ceremonies where I speak in a language that I don’t think is a technical language... more about sound, vibration, and intention. I turn into different animals and I dance a lot! I tried to explain and demonstrate a little as well... this is coming from someone who doesn’t know this road... it’s very shocking for me. In fact I still say I turn into a shamana instead of saying myself... she (myself/shamana) is so intuitive, instinctual and wild that it’s still challenging to accept when I’m not in ceremony. So after I struggled to formulate words to communicate I waited for their response. And unfortunately it was as I expected... they didn’t really understand. They were doubtful of my ability to be a shaman and explained that what they were, were actually curendaros who heal others... that the rise in popularity in Ayahuasca has had many Westerns feel like they are shamans or at least try to share the medicine without real knowledge. This is dangerous... they have spent several decades learning from their master shamans to do what they do and to be able to properly share with others. They also said that from the sound of it, I don’t know how to have control... the explanation of what I become will scare people... they will not understand my intentions. I agreed with them instantly about sharing the medicine too soon without knowledge. That I am still learning and not wanting to jump into sessions on my own when I’m still uncertain in my abilities. I also whole-heartedly believe that Aya is for the Amazon jungle, and not for other locations. I also understood that being an apprentice to a master shaman would be ideal. That’s why I’ve been working with different shamans here in Peru, and I haven’t found any who have the same style as I do. That I’m curious how shamans are from other countries as well. They continued to tell me that traditionally you choose one shaman to train under, and they will teach you. And again reinforced the dangers of shamans who aren’t curendaros who start too early... which I was trying to confer that I will not do that. So... this was the jist of the conversation with also some inclusions about meanings of the different animals and other nuances. I said I’d love to still have a ceremony with them. Thanked them for their time and thanked my friend as well for the translation. After we left, my friend also had some suggestions about shamanism and traditions that he understood by knowing the local shamans for awhile. In the back of my mind... I knew I wouldn’t be able to explain... the ceremony will reveal the Truth... whatever that may be. CEREMONY-Late Evening/ Early Night: I traveled to the ceremonial space alone with the two shamans. We are back to not having a translator, with the female knowing minimal English and the same with me in Spanish... pretty much nada. We setup the mats, they showed me the space, and where the restrooms were. I have started to prepare for the night with a little ritual I’ve been creating. I did notice that the male shaman started placing several instruments out on his mat. I’ve never had a session like this before, and as a dancer I was very intrigued and excited to see what the difference would be. There was silence after they smoked out the space for protection, clearing and grounding the experience. It was time to surrender, accept, and drink. I returned to my mat in front of theirs and waited... The male shaman began with his music... initially very slowly and continued to build... he began to sing as he played. Very rhythmic and powerful. I believe he played two songs solo before the shamana joined him with her feminine, alluring voice. She would also occasionally grab an instrument. I sat there and listened... I really enjoyed what I was hearing, but I wasn’t feeling like “doing” anything just listening and waiting... after awhile I thought well this will be another ceremony of pure presence... be present, breathe, and accept. After they did a duet a few times they paused for a break. They looked at me and asked if I’d like to take another cup; I accepted. This time I felt and was inspired to move... I was sitting in my designated space at first and was dancing through arm movements along with the head and my upper body for awhile... then it led to dancing up on my knees which leads to legs being involved... I really enjoy when I’m dancing with the music... this is very natural for me. I’ve been dancing most of my life and a teacher. When I’m dancing on my mat the movements are mostly symmetrical and flowy.... but sometimes goes into a story line similar to the hula... I also end up dancing on my back where my feet and arms are not touching the ground but there are moments where I feel my skin touch the Earth, and it feels comforting... I start to really get into the dance. I make my way to a standing position... I move away from my designated mat and enter the empty space. There’s the ability for complete freedom of movement... so I took full advantage of the space. Listening to the different rhythms I sync up and coordinate. While dancing, I start to hear my intention that I’m trying to send to the both of them.... see this is how I move.... this is how I flow.... I know how to feel... this is my style of dance. I’m not out of control when I’m doing this... this is just my instinctive response in this moment... I’m fully aware of my surroundings... I see you both; I hear you both... the music plays and I play along. The music eventually fades and then a moment of silence. I sit down cross-legged and I start to speak, but again it’s not in English nor Spanish. I’m not even sure if there is a label to this speech... sound, vibration, and intention. I’m trying to explain to them my concerns again... see this is who I become. I could not explain it in words, but I knew if she (myself/ shamana) came out in ceremony, you two will better understand what I was trying to say. I hope you both can see that your concerns for me being out of control was misled by judgement. I dance, but it’s not erratic or incongruous. See, this is even how I speak... I told you it’s not a language I’ve heard before. This is part of who I become and I’ve been going to different shamans to see if their style is similar and see if there is a recognition or confirmation. I really appreciate you both for having me in ceremony, but do you understand what I’m saying to you? Will you be the ones to teach me? I sit and I wait.... there’s silence as we look at one another. After awhile... my intent continues to explain...see! This is what I’m trying to say... I cannot find anyone who can understand me. Frustration sits in. I found myself standing up and walking towards the plants which surround the ceremonial space. I start to vent to them as if they’re going to answer me. I remember being very animated pacing back and forth, while throwing my arms around... I start huffing and puffing about... what am I supposed to do? I know I can develop into a shamana, but no one knows how to understand me... I thought I’m supposed to find a teacher, aren’t I? Again I wait in silence, but this time there was an answer... it wasn’t a voice, but this is when a fascinating occurrence happens when I just receive intuitive knowledge through instant downloads. They tell me there’s no other shaman who has your style. You will have your own style and we will help you learn through being. We’ve been here all along helping guide you and you’ve been learning all your life. It’s all been being built upon itself, and you have nothing to be frustrated with... we understand you; we can communicate with you. The plants were communicating to me and I could understand them... I didn’t even question it during ceremony... I just accepted and said to myself, of course! CEREMONY-All Night/ Early Morning: I instantly had the desire to go to center of the ceremonial room and feel my feet on the Earth... I kneel down to place my hands on the Earth... and I’m just awestruck as to how much energy I’m sensing from the Earth. Feel it... yeah place your skin directly on it... how does that feel? Yes it’s comforting like home. Yes there’s plenty of energy for everyone and yes the more it directly touches the bare skin, the better. I start to roll around and love on the ground while I’m able to receive downloads... You’ll be able to calm yourself and others by remembering the power the Earth has. It’s available and always has an open symbiotic invitation to assist in nourishing and refueling the idea of energy loss. I didn’t instantly notice but I did start to recognize that the shamans had begun to play their music... and by this time, I was still on the ground and I roll over to where my stomach is down on the ground. My palms are under my shoulders ready to press as if about to do a push-up. But I’m as still as can be... my ears are searching for any sound other then the music.... I start to slowly move my head left and to the right... I feel very stealthy and protective. I start to realize I’m transforming into a large cat, possibly the Panther. I slowly and quietly lift my body up to a push up but my legs are bent and my back low as if hiding in grass... I slowly move in this position to the other side of the space, again in stealth mode. Listening for anything unusual... nothing is there... everything is where it should be... I start to move quickly on all four limbs scouting out the area... confirming yes, everything is silent and as it should be... good... ok great! This is exciting... the shamans aren’t stopping me! I’m moving into the center and there’s an excitement that comes over me and a knowing. I know instantly I want to transform into one of my dominant animal spirits... the Snake. Moving in a slithery “S” shape where my head begins the movement and slowly through my shoulders to my upper torso to my hips and I speak more of the language that I don’t know what to call it... this time I don’t even know what the intentions of the words. It’s definitely like I’m having a conversation though, and not thinking anything about it... as if all of this is quite normal and natural. My hands and arms are so fluid in this manner... I’m giggling once in awhile because it’s so much fun. Excitedly I stand up and skip to the plants... ok awesome! Tell me more yeah I understand... let’s work together! I return to the center and I start to feel the Air... weightless... unburdened and free... fluidly I was dancing and feeling the light-heartedness and the gracefulness. Yes this feels amazing... I can understand when energy gets heavy to use the Air to uplift the moods... ohhhh yeah... of course... as I started to transform into the Eagle... breathe deeply and fully... yes you can keep the Air up towards your chest, shoulders, and head... yes your feet are so light as if I could learn to float. I enjoyed hovering and the subtle gliding. I could feel a little playfulness starting to arise in my body... abruptly my upper body collapses by folding over to the ground and my knees in a squat. I start to move, but this was not the same manner as the Panther... my lower body has a little jump in it, while my hands hardly move from the ground and I instantly recognize who I was.... something very familiar... the other dominant animal spirit... the Chimpanzee. I have a lot of energy... practicing the movements getting comfortable and just playing all around the space, and I start to grunt a bit... well this was practice right, so I start to exercise noises on how to communicate... forcefully breathing out my nose... rhythmically and rapidly fluttering a prolonged sound in my throat and then staccato grunts more distinct. Opening my mouth wide and breathing outward with sound again in a rapidly fluttering noises... creating an “O” with my lips still practicing the monkey language... I was really getting into it along with the movement that I ended up startling the dogs that were inside the home where we were having the ceremonies. Instantly I snap straight up and realize I don’t want the dogs to wake everyone up. And I want them to calm down and get back to sleep, so I cannot continue to practice in this space anymore. I switch from shamana mode to normal mode and start to map things in my head. Ok... we’ll move away from the house, but let’s go ahead and use the restroom and just relax. So that’s what I do; I go to the restroom and I’m just full of ecstatic energy... I love this! Oh my! They’re letting me practice!! I’ve never had this opportunity before... this is amazing I cannot believe this is happening! Ok let’s continue to practice... so I walk past the ceremonial space and past the tuk-tuk to an open space away from the house. Ok... now it’s go time! I continue to practice... I’m not sure if it stood out to me, but eventually realizing the shamans were no longer playing their music since I wasn’t present in the space. I just couldn’t believe I could have the freedom to practice my style. After awhile the female shamana came to check on me. I was trying to speak a little Spanish telling her I was peaceful and happy. I kept telling her thank you, thank you! She started to let me know in English that it’s ok if I continue to play but move in this specific area because the area I was in could have snakes... which of course didn’t bother me, but I understood she was concerned for my safety... so I moved to the designated space. Giggling to myself... I looked around to the plants and just sent out all my gratefulness and my love... I couldn’t say how much I thanked them for giving me these messages and how this infinite intelligence had given me this moment, because I cannot explain how much bliss I experience when I’m going through these messages. I conversate with the plants and energy that’s all around us... how I can’t believe how patient they are... and how much knowledge they have and I’m excited that I’m able to listen... there’s nothing to be fearful of... they truely have embodied unconditional love... I even remember thinking that even if some plants are sacrificed or cut down that they don’t hold grudges, but because they have knowledge to share; it would be for the best interest for everyone to not loose them all. But they weren’t needy and pleading... there presence is so steady, strong, and nourishing! In the area I was practicing, there was high grass so I went back to the Snake to practice, but I also could feel how late it was... well technically how early it was because there was a subtle glow as if the sun will be rising within a few hours. This time when I was practicing, it wasn’t focused on movement; it was speech. I was speaking and singing and slurring the words and elongating certain sounds... oh wow... yes I’m going to be creating my own Icaros. I thought I had to do other shamans Icaros... ok... yeah this will be fun. I continued, and I can feel a resignation rising up through my mind... yes you know you should’ve been practicing on your singing... you have focused on several things but you haven’t been consistent with your voice... yes. Yes. Yes I will practice more before I return, so I can experience where this part will develop. Alright... this was a great ceremony! Everyone’s asleep now, even the shamans were laying down... doubtful the male shaman was completely asleep. From history, shamans make sure everyone gets to sleep safely before they head to sleep themselves. Wow! This has been the best yet! (I say this more then half of the time, until I experience the next ceremony. This would apply to this situation as well, believe it or not the 28th ceremony topped this one.) Ceremonial Conclusion: The following morning we had a translator who allowed us to talk to one another about the ceremonies. There was a definite change in the tone of the conversation this time. In fact the gentleman who translated decided to join us in the final ceremony. He thought he was going to stop his Aya sessions, but was inspired to see what it would be like to do it with us all together. After the local shamans had experienced two ceremonies with me... they understood who I’m becoming and acknowledge that not only will I be a shamana, but will be a curendaro as well. I’m returning back to start a shamanic dieta and more ceremonies with them. I also will be working with another shaman who i have been learning with since the very beginning. Knowing that I have a ceremonial space to continue my development, and the freedom and acceptance from them to be whoever I am during sessions regardless if I’m solo or with other guests... gives me so much drive to learning something that’s already evolving into a passion. So this was the ceremony I had chosen to share. I’ll break the next section into developing my shamana integration but also my life purpose integration as well. Which really is my life now with smaller portions on working to make money to be able to travel and do these life-altering experiences that are paramount in my life. SHAMANA TRAINING INTEGRATION: Basically since I’ve had my first ceremonies, I’ve been deliberate in changing my behaviors to help with spiritual cleansing. I had moved to a secluded mountain town next to the Rockie Mountains, so I can really focus on my training. By the way, I’ve been working on personal development for decades... so I really put my Ego to the test to see what fears are truly still showing itself. By observing my reactions, I can see where to focus my attention. When my father dropped me off in the mountains... I had only $200 in my pocket, didn’t have a place to live, didn’t know any locals, and only had a part-time job setup before I arrived. It was tough for him to drive away, but I’ve been so blessed to have a father who has loved me unconditionally all my life. And he’s never stopped me even when he had reservations on my decisions. He knows my passion and my resilience have amplified after the ceremonies, which again wouldn’t have been his choice for me. Any way, I’m currently finishing my four month travel extravaganza. I have only one more week before I return back to the seclusion of the mountains. I’m spending four months in Peru coming up at the end of September. This time I’m participating in a dieta. The easiest way I can explain it, until I go through it, is having more tools to use to build a home. I’ve been avidly working with the hammer (Aya), but I cannot build a home with only one tool... I’ll need to have other tools to assist in creating a well-rounded tool set to build the home. So there are certain plants that are chosen through ceremony as to which I will start dieting. To prepare for the dieta I will have a strict diet I’ll follow until I return. I intuitively knew this was where my body was leading so this diet I had began last year. I was proving to myself that it was possible. It was probably about 75% of my diet, with exceptions from eating out of convenience, going out to dinners with friends or family, and having those sweet treats from time to time. I saw how much of a leap in progression I had by eating the diet 75% of the time, so I’m ready to see what it will be like to be at 100%. I will be eliminating alcohol consumption, tobacco, and caffeine as well. The only concern is tobacco, which is not the same a cigarettes. I mean pure tobacco, the king plant medicine. Since I’ve been making drastic changes especially in an existential way... this has been helpful to keep me grounded. I want to continue my use with tobacco but moving it towards ceremonial times only. Another factor to the shaman dieta is to not engage in sexual activities. Now I had actually had a few shamans bring this up this round if I want to train. It’s not a permanent commitment, but while you’re training... it is highly recommended. Typically they get a lot of resistance when they bring up the celibacy part of the diet. I honestly told them that they don’t have to worry about that. I haven’t had sex with a partner in two years. Again I’ve been working on personal development, so intuitively again I knew if I could get rid of the need to have sex... the healthier I would be. It’s been the best thing I’ve done when it comes to relationships with myself and friends. I haven’t had the opportunity to have an intimate relationship, but I know how completely different I approach love with unconditional acceptance.... that the next time, will most likely be my last because the level I’m going to share will be for a sacred union. Now I still have moments where I enjoy masterbation, but again the amplified progress from this round... gets me into go mode, so masterbation will be out as well until I return to the jungle. Sexual energy is creative energy... being able to maintain and build this energy has help me direct the energy for manifestations. Now there’s a routine that I had begun last year prior to this round that I will continue, and I’m going to add on to since my traveling introduced me to new techniques to start incorporating. In case people don’t know that Ayahuasca is known for its purging qualities. Purging in many ways physically, emotionally, and spiritually. To help clear physical purging I do yogic techniques of cleansing my nasal cavities, upper intestine, and esophagus. I’ve learned from several ceremonies that I have had stagnant bowls held in my lower intestine that is not healthy for my body, so I want to be aware to not only change the food I’m placing inside, but also incorporating yogic stretches to massage the organs to get the digestive system working properly. Now I’m about holistic wellness so I do asanas for all its benefits, but honestly it wasn’t my main focal point in yoga. I spent more time on pranayama and meditation. I finally took a class from one of my mentors in life... she teaches ashtanga yoga. Initially I really only used the sun salutation along with a few focused asanas. Well... ashtanga yoga is an evolution of the sun salutation and has room to continue to grow further in the practice for a lifetime. So yes I’m going to start increasing my asanas, since these series are long, I’ll switch this to the night before bed. In my travels I had briefly stopped into the mountains for a week to switch clothes before heading out, and I ran into a local who is interested in spiritual cleansing as well... so I’m going to see if I can start incorporating American Indian sweat lodges into my routine every week. I have never had the opportunity to experience this, so I’ll know once I do it whether this will be incorporated into my spiritual cleansing. Plus this is only accomplished with the approval of someone else, so that will determine the consistency. Now if you remember from the ceremony, I also promised myself I need to make singing a priority. I need to feel confident in using my voice... I’m not sure what I can do other then sing everyday. Not to have the best sounding voice, but to sing from the heart and sing without hesitation. I think I’m going to combine singing Spanish songs as well to help learn the language more. I have some Spanish speaking friends... I should speak in Spanish maybe once a month to get more comfortable hearing and responding even if my return speech is choppy. The next inclusion to help integrate my journey into becoming a shamana will be purchasing my own vapor DMT pipe. Unfortunately since there is a huge stigma against Entheogens, there’s not an easy way to obtain this. But I believe It will be achieved, and I will start to do solo sessions to increase my knowledge to how this form of plant medicine can help as well. I am unable to go into great detail with my last sessions with DMT, but briefly I’ll mention that I found out that my shamana comes out during the use of this as well.... so yes I want to see what can be learned even when I’m not in the jungle nor using Aya. Since I’ve been developing a solid foundation in using Entheogens, I can now start to increase the usage but aware to take small steps to see how much I should add to my training. Im going to be doing studies where it will be DMT by itself compared to using it in combination with psilocybin which seem to work harmonious together. Do some personal studies to see the difference, which will most likely lead to sharing with others whom I’m drawn to. LIFE PURPOSE INTEGRATION: So this article is mainly focusing on my shamana development, but in honesty this is only a fraction of what I’m becoming and evolving in my reality. Prior to participating in Ayahuasca ceremonies, I was participating in a life purpose course where I was coming up with many ideas; I thought I had to choose one. After my ceremonies I found that I don’t have to choose one... that all that I have envisioned will be actualized and more. I won’t go into great detail, but I also integrate my life purpose of raising consciousness in myself and universally. There are creative/learning centers that I want to create in the future so I travel and communicate with people who are inspirational teachers. There’s an infinite amount of ways to connect to consciousness. I’m developing my radical open-mindedness to be curious to see the diverse ways and not judge but trust intuition. I’m in works of creating a community which will be symbiotically growing with nature, sustainable, communal, principles towards wellness and sharing knowledge from all aspects of life. There’s a project I have in mind to possibly create a website that doesn’t just focus on the iceberg on top of the surface... but digging deep into the several layers below the surface through autobiographies of highly inspired individuals who will make the changes within themselves to help others to do the same. To eventually move the collective. I will continue to focus on self-mastery to be able to be and example instead of preaching theory. Continue to further my education... especially in the psychological model of Spiral Dynamics. There’s a radical theory that I’ve been putting to the test and will continue to be researching where my Ego will see and accept... “Life is perfect, and timing is divine.” Time seems to not be a factor for me. What I’ve been able to experience within the past two years... seemed to have been a lifetime looking from the previous perspective I once had. When you’re living an inspired life, you really just start to become your higher self naturally. None of what you’re passionate about is tasking; it boosts your energy levels towards infinity. Well... if you made it this far, then I would like to thank you for sharing your time to explore my perspective of plant medicine and how it is guiding this journey. I will continue to work with Entheogens because they have been most effective. There’s infinite amount of knowledge to be learned and I know that I’ll try my best to learn what I can, when I can... and it will only be a fraction. That’s why I’m highly recommending others who are curious about this style of personal development to give it a try. If it’s there style, then I can have a chance to hear their insights to increase the odds of learning more from other perspectives. Or at least hearing in theory what all possibilities there are until I experience them myself. I am looking forward to more growth and the concepts that have been most challenging but most beneficial so far are patience, acceptance, surrendering, and unconditional love. Thank you again for your time.